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It’s the simple things
that make me smile
Like a trek in the woods
Holding hands for a while

Snuggled in
Watching a show
Sharing a meal
Yes fresh flowers make her glow

Taken back
to a simpler time
Where nothing matters
But her love of a rhyme

Happier now
and I am content
So turned on
By her amazing scent

A lucky man
And I must declare
She was worth the wait…
Boy do I love to stare

With her beautiful smile
Endless red hair
I will go the extra mile
To show her I care

I’m in love and content
And she knows it to be true
My heart beats faster
And I am no longer blue…

Carry on I shall,
As she deserves the best,
To be a better man
And forget all the rest…

Buffalosjoeyi
9-21-2015


  
Jealousy, vindictiveness, evil to the core,

Trying to live my life 

Yet it’s,  always about more.

Cruelty, meanness, it’s all about you

We have found ours

Move on, is what you should do.

Sadness, pain, is all this really brings

Time and money gone

Let go, of the puppet strings.

Smiles, memories, are what life’s about

Love and happiness I have

Continue on, never any doubt.

Buffalosjoeyi

9-13-2015


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It’s a most difficult day,

Words are but few…

To hold you close,

Is all I want to do.

Decisions that are made,

Have consequences just the same.

We cannot be afraid

Nor choose to throw around blame.

Your beauty remains seared

Frozen in my mind

When confronted by another

I promise to be blind…

What we share together is great

It’s a love story for the ages

I cherish this very moment,

Writing about you on these pages…

I Love my Ginger,

Buffalos Joey I

8-4-2015


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A poem for a dear friend…

Your smile was infectious
your laugh unmistakable
always willing to help
and your devotion unbreakable

You grew up quickly beyond your years
Shy and unassuming when you were young
Never afraid to talk about your fears
everyone so proud of who you had become

Years have passed
but a part of me, you remained
always have I loved you
In my memory you are engrained

It was not meant to be
We’ve all had our moments to cry
please watch over us now
as you hover in the sky

You were a loving mother, wife, sister and friend
You left nothing on this earth untouched in the end…

Rest in Peace Renee,
Always and forever remembered…

Buffalosjoeyi
4/10/2014


The insanity of my darkness…

Hopeful I was when we last met
I am now but forgotten
I was filled with happiness and emotion
I wipe the tears with worn cotton

I have seen greatness in rare form
My tunnel has now lost its light
Beauty inside, a heart that’s warm
Yet my own now feels the fright

The love I have it’s always yours
Yet you have turned off the switch
It is pure, continues and it soars
I miss your light, hoping it’s no glitch

Buffalos Joeyi I


The insanity of fear….


The insanity of pain….


Life at times is unfair, its painful and its well…. life. Everyday we are faced with choices that may or may not be good for us. We follow our heart when we should follow our head and vice versa. Many times we make the wrong choice for what we believe are the right reasons. Maybe we trade short-term happiness for the unknown, other times we wait too long and miss out on pure bliss. Why do we let what we cannot have become such an impactful barrier? Knowing what we want is only half of the battle. We need assistance in making our dreams reality and finding the other half. If one is not ready when the other is we risk becoming irrelevant to the rest of what life offers. Knowing this, the decisions become paralyzing. Giving everything you have to ones heart is the equivalent to being stranded in a storm.  You spend what feels like an eternity looking for that ray of light, hoping for the best but always preparing for yourself for what seems inevitable. The loss of a piece of ones heart. Is walking away from what could be the best thing in your life a choice worth pondering? Can the pain ever again be replaced with something better? It seems the insanity and fear of regret can keep us from truly experiencing a love that could stand the test of time. Is the short-term pain worth the effort one must give for that feeling? Only those whom have experienced that unadulterated feeling can accurately answer this. Once bitten by the bug of true, unconditional love and crushed by its loss can we understand the gravity of these decisions life asks us so boldly to answer. We never forget the pain, yet we long for that feeling of becoming one with another just like we remember. Walking away from a chance to have what we’ve known is the regret we all fear. The insanity of it all is sometimes we know its best but never bother to care. We take that leap of faith knowing that in the end the pain with surface… or will this time be different? Being afraid to love again is ok, being scared is fine too, however the fear of regret cannot be the driver that steers you out of that storm. We must be willing to experience the possibility of excruciating pain over and over again  in hopes of finding that which we spend a lifetime looking for. If we don’t then we actually do become irrelevant.

Buffalosjoeyi


It is amazing how many forks in the road the last two years have arrived at my feet.  There was for a long time, a wanting to just give up and throw in the towel. I am very happy to say that I never did. The road to a renewed self has been a difficult one. The tines have poked and prodded me to places I never thought I would go. I have suffered heartbreak and loss of family, yet I have a better sense of who I am and for the first time in many years….clarity.  From a professional standpoint I am satisfied where I have landed. Yet emotionally my life has been a rollercoaster littered with ups and downs that have unleashed many nights of tears but more importantly words. Blogging has saved me from looking at the bottom of a bottle for answers. I do not yet have all of my questions answered, however I am sober due to a choice long ago where the fork of temptation could have led me astray.  Many nights I wanted to just give in to these evil temptations yet the love of my sons and the wanting of a better, clearer and more defined sense of self has driven me to be something better. I know now that I am a better Daddy than before the major fork of divorce was glaring in my sight. My boys have been my rocks and continue daily to teach me the value of self-respect and worth.  I have struggled with much over the last two years since the blogs inception.  One thing that has brought me clarity though is the adult friendships I have forged during the most difficult period of my life.  These forks of friendship have been life changing, heartbreaking and rewarding. It has seemed that when one door closes, another opens to a destiny that may or may not be life altering. Just the same it could be exactly what was needed at that moment in time.  At my age I still do not feel close to having the answers to which I seek. What is worth noting though is that I feel as young and spry in my mind as I did when I was half my current age…Its just a number and with it comes the experiences of life and the lessons learned or ignored. The insanity for myself is being able to fight through the tines, not being afraid of the pain a road may lead me down. I have suffered enough to know that I can, will and shall survive to live another day, to love again and to smile at my reflection knowing I have done all that I can do. I am proud that two years have passed and I survived. I never thought for a moment back then that I was capable of surviving my situation, let alone have the courage to help many others at the same insane fork of life. I am grateful to the many whom have helped along this journey and thankful for the new people in my life. Without all of you I may not have made it to write this blog today.

The insanity of it all is that the tines of life can poke and prod all they want. I am prepared for anything.  I will fight through it all. I have been broken, crushed and alone yet I am still here to see what the forks of life have in store for me… And on the hopes and dreams that I hold close to my heart…I will never give up, give in nor throw the switch…

Buffalosjoeyi


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This blog still rings true even this year. Much has changed in my life since the separation/divorce. I still feel the pain and emptiness of being alone. The visits with my boys are much better and our relationships have grown. I am a very proud Daddy. This will mark the third Christmas I spend alone yet I feel like I am turning a corner.  My life is not where I hoped it would be but I am not complaining as it could be much worse.

As the smile in the new photo shows, a good conversation and an all around fun family day can help to ease the pain that is hidden. I am fortunate to have met people recently that are genuine, honest and absolutely hilarious! 2014 is looking to hopefully be one that big changes occur. Maybe not the ones I thought, but change just the same. Will all of my dreams come true? “Probably Not” but I am ok with it… I have to be.

I am wishing everyone a warm, fun filled and amazing Holiday Season… But just be thankful for what you have… And hope and wish for a better tomorrow.

Please remember those less fortunate this Holiday season and pay it forward…You may be surprised at how it really makes you feel!

 

(2011)

The sad realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not only going to be alone with my tree on Christmas morning but I will also not experience the waking up to excited kids. I will be and am thankful that I will get to spend Christmas Eve with my boys though. We were able to keep a certain tradition alive this past weekend. We traveled to a local tree farm and cut down what is thought to be the best Christmas tree ever. It was a challenge to put up but we managed and it is perfect. The day was great and we met some wonderful people. The boys were overjoyed at the whole experience and I went to bed that night extremely grateful that the tradition, although slightly different, was kept alive. The saddest part of this new beginning in my life is that I will miss out on a lot of the special times. This motivates me to create our own memories that I truly hope last a lifetime. The boys  seem to be adjusting well to our  new situation. Their living arrangement has settled down and they seem to like their new school as well. They have made me very proud with all they have been through.We have three weeks until the trial for custody and visitation. I am very nervous on how this will all pan out. I am hoping for the best but planning for the worst as they say.

The sad part of all this is the boys and how they will feel on Christmas morning. I really can’t get this out of my mind as the time grows near. I am sure they will be happy with what Santa has done this year. They told me they look forward to our visit. Maybe it is me I am worried about. This will be the very first Christmas in my life that I will be totally alone. I am not really sure what to expect after I take them home on Christmas Eve. I live pretty far from my home town and the thought of driving five hours is not appealing. I do not wish to be alone on this day though. Some friends have asked me to visit and it is what I should do. It’s hard to decide though. I still cannot imagine that special day without my boys. I realize I have much to be thankful for. I have good health, great kids and a good career. It could be worse and I know that I will survive. I have been blessed with much support from my group online and family as well.

So as I look at my tree and think “yup it’s just me”

I still feel lucky to be free……. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

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