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Jealousy, vindictiveness, evil to the core,

Trying to live my life 

Yet it’s,  always about more.

Cruelty, meanness, it’s all about you

We have found ours

Move on, is what you should do.

Sadness, pain, is all this really brings

Time and money gone

Let go, of the puppet strings.

Smiles, memories, are what life’s about

Love and happiness I have

Continue on, never any doubt.

Buffalosjoeyi

9-13-2015


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Over the last few weeks much has been happening in my life. Many of you know the struggle that life has been for myself. The struggle is real (Q). This has been the toughest period of my entire existence. I have said it before yet it bears mentioning again, I am not wired to be a part-time Dad. When my situation changed in April of 2011, I was lost. Asking for a divorce brought a world of hurt in many ways. Losing my children was not where I envisioned my life going but it happened. Being a weekend Dad is painful and arduous.

I would go twelve days before a quick, short and joyous forty-eight hour visit. When the boys left once again, the silence crept in and with it the pain. These times were the most excruciating moments I have had to relive over and over. This is the sort of anguish that reminds me of the movie “ground-hog day”. Some say pain of loss eases over time, yet this is much different. My house becomes a home for those short periods and then numbness takes hold. It was only the knowing that its twelve, then eleven and then… yeah the countdown, it kept me going somewhat. Most days we would go without contact and this seems corny, but I cherished the phone time regardless of the shortness of the calls. The sound of their voices is the nourishment I need to get through the twelve days of hell.

As I stated before there have been many changes. I received four summons for court late last year . Two Courts, one for support and the other for custody and visitation. This is nothing new, and I cannot afford a Lawyer so I decided with my closest friend that I would represent myself (Pro se) and pray for a good outcome. It is a new County as they live two and a half hours away now. Maybe I will catch a break. I am still in the process of all of it and all seems to be going fair for which I am eternally grateful so far.

THEN… It happened.

I received a letter from My ex’s attorney outlining a situation I thought could only be a dream. We are still negotiating and working out the details but the big news is… I am for now, A full-time Dad. These are words I thought were only parts of dreams. My eldest son is now living with me (three days and counting). He starts school tomorrow here where I live and I cannot help but feel elated and conflicted. I have two sons and the thought of splitting them up is agonizing. I do realize this move is best for my eldest and I promise the world I will do everything I can to make it work. There is still a part of me missing though. I’m still missing my youngest boy from my every day life. His sadness as we left, heartbreaking and agonizing. He cracks me up with how tough he is. My youngest will be OK, this I know. I love them both so much…

As I write this, I am reminded of how many Moms and Dads have to do this week in and week out, others with much less visitation and for some the visits never happen. Through the blog, my page (selfish promotion coming), and most importantly my support group (OK wait for it…) I found a world where I was not alone. I am forever indebted to so many for their support, kind words of encouragement and their sharing. The sharing made me realize that not only am I not alone but my story and situation could have been much worse. I have felt every emotion and relived so much pain over the last three plus years that most would give up. When this started I had to find new ways of rebuilding our life and have our little things all over again.
We needed our routine back. There are two that I will share, the first is silly but we keep it going even today:
Kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and RPS followed by tickling that always make them smile.
The second and more importantly is we boys have a saying. “We are Imperis and we never give up”. This little saying is so powerful. It’s a little thing we share and it means so much to me, and I know it means the world to them! We have survived it all and have grown so close. They are my everything and I cannot ever thank my boys enough for believing in their Dad.

The worst is now in the past and I am a better man because of all of this. I never thought I could actually say that. The insanity of it all though is the bittersweet feeling of only being half way there. Divorce is tough on everyone, but especially the children. If your situation is not producing a harmonic household, don’t stay for the kids. Do what is right, save your sanity and possibly that of your kids as well. We have survived and I know you can as well…

I am forever grateful that I found this outlet.

Your support means so much to me.

Please like, share, comment and spread the word.

Kids deserve both parents!

You can find me all over the place:

@FB- Joe Imperi
Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group admin)
Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page admin)

Google+ @ Joseph Imperi

Joseph.Imperi@gmail.com

buffalosjoeyi@yahoo.com


homeless

Dark Angels prey…
In the fury of the faceless
and the unforgettable nameless
nobody cares of their plight
and the dark angels go against whats right.
These are the forgotten unknown folk
sadly, the butt of the everlasting joke
hungry, alone and sitting on an empty crate
the dark angels callously choose their fate.
As we walk along ignoring their faces
paasing through life never hearing their cases
never caring for those in need
the dark angels await to feed.
On the souls of the lost
their time is of no cost
greed and chaos they wont reject
the dark angels see another project.
The evil shall forever
try to stay…
yet the light of the just
keeps them at bay…

Buffalos Joey I
1-6-2014

Time for America to step up and help its own less fortunate!


Sanity picBlank stare…

Stuck in this series of blank stare emotions
Never have I understood what drives these weird notions
That writing happy thoughts could come with ease
But the darker side prevails and it still doesn’t please…

It’s always been easy to express my pain and fears
Writings have always come with a flood of falling tears
I try maybe too hard to print what is good in my plight
In this roller coaster life, the only words that fall…
never seem quite right…

Buffalos Joey I
5-15-2014


Another blip
Normal rhythm
My heart no longer skips a beat

Another time
Normal place
Where it’s safe to walk on my own feet

Crazy turns
Shameful ways
I know now where my heart leads

Maybe sometime
Could’ve been
I see your heart now no longer bleeds

Been so long
I never feel
The skipping beats, pretend surreal

I am better now
I know it’s true
She has red hair and her eyes are blue

She stole my heart
Made me whole
To be so lucky wasn’t ever my goal

I will walk the line
I promise you
For my love is surely true

BuffalosJoeyi
9-2-2014


If time cannot erase all that pains me

and there is nowhere left to turn

How can I even carry on 

without ever holding what I yearn…

We try always I know

to remember all that was great

Eliminating those ugly truths

and accepting our fate…

Its like a strand of thread

pulled, stretched and frayed

Bent yet not broken

maybe hope just delayed…

Carrying on as I must

yet the dust has yet to settle down

My heart is what I must trust

while I concentrate on my frown.

 

Buffalos Joey I

4-4-2014 


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Our time, for my boys…

I miss all the laughter
And even when they bicker
The smiles when I get them
Makes my blood a bit thicker

Time is never fair
It goes by ever so fast
We need to find a way
To make the time we have last

Our time is just that
It is ours alone
Seeing them in real time
So much sweeter than the phone

I have guilt that will never fade
And I will never feel the same
Memories are what is now made
There is nobody to blame

I tell them every chance I get
That I love them so
And give a wry smile
When they sarcastically call me Joe

I am not the same
When they are not here
It is the pain that I wish
Will one day disappear…

I will always be daddy
To the boys I choose to see
Every chance that I get
Is a blessing to me…

Dedicated to Christian and Alexander…

Buffalos Joey I
2-25-2014


Inside

The darkness cascades
It takes all of me to be bold
Hiding in the shadows
The emptiness is cold

Gripped with uncertainty
Like walking a path with no sight
Twists and turns of emotion
Forever in search of the light

There was once a glimmer of hope
It was inside of me
Forever and long ago
All but now a memory.

Buffalos Joey I
2-20-2014


Bogged down mind…

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If I could change one thing
It would be me
I wanted to be different
Yet my mind is not free
I am stuck in a place
Where fear rules it all
I have nowhere to really turn
I can’t seem to stop this free fall
If ever there was a way
To only find the will
And break free of these chains
That constantly keep me still
I may one day find the courage
To do what it is I need
A friend would be most helpful
To look between the lines and read
What the signs have been saying
They may not be so clear to you
But day and night I am praying
For the answer of what to do.

Buffalos Joey I
2-19-2014


Going through the motions

Drifting through the world with my blank stare
Constantly reminded how much I should care
If time is on my side and always there for me
Why can’t I ever get ahead or feel free?

Procrastination has become such a weight
With bated breath I seem to know my fate
I have tried all I can to fly out of this cloud
My only true mission, to make my kids proud

It’s become a daily chore to wear my smile
I have been tired for a very long while
Things that were and can probably never be
Are what keep the distress alive and well in me

Moving on slowly doing whatever I truly can
Fighting to keep it real and be a good man.

Buffalos Joey I
2-15-2014

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