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Today I cried

A part of my past lied

My brain is fried

A piece of my, heart has died.

My tear ducts swell

In a daze I almost fell

Staring into space I dwell

Is it your soul,  you would also sell?

I wish this were all fake

My demise is what’s at stake

My heart and soul you wish to take

But my resolve, you cannot break.

Get your blanky its story time still

Running your mouth almost at will 

I must admit I’ve had my fill 

I may forgive but stay out of my grill

I will raise them to be men

Enjoy life while they can

They will know where I’ve been

For they are cubs,  in the lions den.


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Over the last few weeks much has been happening in my life. Many of you know the struggle that life has been for myself. The struggle is real (Q). This has been the toughest period of my entire existence. I have said it before yet it bears mentioning again, I am not wired to be a part-time Dad. When my situation changed in April of 2011, I was lost. Asking for a divorce brought a world of hurt in many ways. Losing my children was not where I envisioned my life going but it happened. Being a weekend Dad is painful and arduous.

I would go twelve days before a quick, short and joyous forty-eight hour visit. When the boys left once again, the silence crept in and with it the pain. These times were the most excruciating moments I have had to relive over and over. This is the sort of anguish that reminds me of the movie “ground-hog day”. Some say pain of loss eases over time, yet this is much different. My house becomes a home for those short periods and then numbness takes hold. It was only the knowing that its twelve, then eleven and then… yeah the countdown, it kept me going somewhat. Most days we would go without contact and this seems corny, but I cherished the phone time regardless of the shortness of the calls. The sound of their voices is the nourishment I need to get through the twelve days of hell.

As I stated before there have been many changes. I received four summons for court late last year . Two Courts, one for support and the other for custody and visitation. This is nothing new, and I cannot afford a Lawyer so I decided with my closest friend that I would represent myself (Pro se) and pray for a good outcome. It is a new County as they live two and a half hours away now. Maybe I will catch a break. I am still in the process of all of it and all seems to be going fair for which I am eternally grateful so far.

THEN… It happened.

I received a letter from My ex’s attorney outlining a situation I thought could only be a dream. We are still negotiating and working out the details but the big news is… I am for now, A full-time Dad. These are words I thought were only parts of dreams. My eldest son is now living with me (three days and counting). He starts school tomorrow here where I live and I cannot help but feel elated and conflicted. I have two sons and the thought of splitting them up is agonizing. I do realize this move is best for my eldest and I promise the world I will do everything I can to make it work. There is still a part of me missing though. I’m still missing my youngest boy from my every day life. His sadness as we left, heartbreaking and agonizing. He cracks me up with how tough he is. My youngest will be OK, this I know. I love them both so much…

As I write this, I am reminded of how many Moms and Dads have to do this week in and week out, others with much less visitation and for some the visits never happen. Through the blog, my page (selfish promotion coming), and most importantly my support group (OK wait for it…) I found a world where I was not alone. I am forever indebted to so many for their support, kind words of encouragement and their sharing. The sharing made me realize that not only am I not alone but my story and situation could have been much worse. I have felt every emotion and relived so much pain over the last three plus years that most would give up. When this started I had to find new ways of rebuilding our life and have our little things all over again.
We needed our routine back. There are two that I will share, the first is silly but we keep it going even today:
Kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and RPS followed by tickling that always make them smile.
The second and more importantly is we boys have a saying. “We are Imperis and we never give up”. This little saying is so powerful. It’s a little thing we share and it means so much to me, and I know it means the world to them! We have survived it all and have grown so close. They are my everything and I cannot ever thank my boys enough for believing in their Dad.

The worst is now in the past and I am a better man because of all of this. I never thought I could actually say that. The insanity of it all though is the bittersweet feeling of only being half way there. Divorce is tough on everyone, but especially the children. If your situation is not producing a harmonic household, don’t stay for the kids. Do what is right, save your sanity and possibly that of your kids as well. We have survived and I know you can as well…

I am forever grateful that I found this outlet.

Your support means so much to me.

Please like, share, comment and spread the word.

Kids deserve both parents!

You can find me all over the place:

@FB- Joe Imperi
Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group admin)
Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page admin)

Google+ @ Joseph Imperi

Joseph.Imperi@gmail.com

buffalosjoeyi@yahoo.com


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I define parental alienation as a purposeful attempt by one parent to try to dissociate the child from their other parent. 
Parental alienation comes in many forms. It can be as definitive as zero contact with a loved one or as complex as sporadic visitation and limited phone contact. In extreme cases, it can be years before the noncustodial parent has contact of any kind with their child.
Parental alienation comes with pain so intense it brings tears to even the strongest of parents. There is never closure. You lose what you love and relive the pain of separation over and over. The pain never goes away and hurts more as time goes on. I have yet to learn how to cope with this pain. Alienation is and always will be a cruel and unusual form of child abuse. It keeps a loving parent from being a complete part of their child’s life. Through all the madness, the child is left feeling confused, neglected and hurt. They often blame themselves. We must all agree that if the alienated parent wants to be a part of their child’s life, estranged spouses and court systems must allow unfettered contact. It’s in the child’s best interest.
When two adults decide that there is nothing left to give each other, extreme sensitivity must be given to afford the child equal and uncompromised access to the non-custodial parent. Studies have shown that court systems rarely award shared custody. But the fact remains that, at least here in the States, one judge makes the final decision. We all know that there are two sides to every story. It is a dire shame that the complete truth is rarely revealed. 
My case is basic, yet albeit a sad one. My ex is unwilling to allow even the simplest things, like individual phone contact. For three and a half years I have been communicating between visits while my ex monitors and interrupts our speaker phone conversations. It is blatantly obvious that she coaches answers to questions and mutes the line often. She is also the owner of the world’s shortest battery life iPhone in history. Our judgment of divorce awards me reasonable phone contact, yet I average less than 15 minutes a week with my children. I call every single day, multiple times, yet rarely do I get through. It’s a stress that has seeped its way into my everyday life affecting not only personal relationships but my own wellbeing. Not being there hurts enough, but no contact between visits is becoming debilitating.This suffering is the true test of my endurance.
Alienation is not something we can easily hide and it slowly takes its toll. This pain and weight we carry comes at a huge cost. How we choose to deal with it can be life altering. This is not a main stream subject and many are unwilling to openly discuss this topic. It is taboo. It can be humiliating, frustrating and difficult to understand. If we continue to ignore these harsh realities the next generation will grow up to accept and possibly display this behavior. The impact on my children is disheartening to witness. I worry how their opinion of me, and of their mother, is altered by this constant tension. How will they act as adults toward their partner, toward their own child? If my phone conversation with them turns to anything resembling my happiness, a life lesson or anything that is important and/or relevant to just us, I am cut off and forced to wait another three to four days just to hear their voices again. This direct retaliation goes unchecked and it’s horrifying how it continues. 
Life has become a delicate balancing act. It is difficult to be completely honest with my children when they ask questions of why and how. I refuse to discuss the ugliness that has become my twelve days of sorrow between visits. I remain as upbeat as I can when we speak. Simply stated, children deserve the love and respect of both parents. The child’s wellbeing is of the upmost importance. Make shared parenting a priority. In the end, the alienated parent and child suffer the wrath of the alienator. The insanity of it all is that alienation is child abuse and we need to raise awareness.
Early on, I began documenting my side of the storyin my blog: www.dadsrightscoalition.wordpress.com I write because it’s the one thing that helps meconstructively express my sadness. I continue doing what I can to save my sanity, one blog at a time. My devotion and love for my boys hascompelled me to become an advocate and champion for parental rights. I do this in honor of them. 
 

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You may find me on FB @ Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group), Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page) and Google+ Joseph Imperi.
10/23/2014


Working on more of the “insanity series” please enjoy this repost and stay tuned!

Saving my sanity, one blog at a time

She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case…

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The insanity of unequal parenting….


It seems insane in this day and age that someone could be rewarded for not wanting to work. I am a man with some college but no degree. She has two degrees and her own business yet I am supporting her. I have no issues with paying for Child Support. It is only right. Yet I am paying more in Temporary alimony weekly by over 120 dollars.  I only see my boys 4 out of every 14 days due to a temporary order that has been adopted by the Supreme Court yet no discussions have taken place because I am told that I need to wait until the trial. OK, but I have been dragged into court three times to ensure alimony is being paid yet we cannot nor will not discuss visitation until January 30th, 2013? Is this Due Process? 13 months to wait for a divorce trial yet three court appearances for money? How is this in the best interest of the children. Again today they have asked me why they cannot see their Dad more? I refuse to have adult conversations with them yet I cannot continue to lie to them either.

The most recent events in my story are alarming. I have been ordered on Friday to have all alimony directly removed from my check by the collections bureau. This in effect will render me destitute. I have been trying to come to an agreement with her in regards to money. She told me you need to get another job. 66% of my take home pay will now go to her in the forms of child and alimony support. I have told her I need to have a place for the boys to visit and stay over and all she can say is get another job? Please tell me how this is in the best interest of our children? I was sending all I could after paying my bills but now I am faced with an enormous task.  This is all in addition to the tax implications of 2011. She strung me along promising that we could file together. If she agreed to this I could have saved 6,500 in taxes due to a property we sold together. She waited until the last possible moment to say nope and this has caused more financial hardship. So the minimal income I will now bring home  will be just enough to pay my rent and truck payment. No bills, insurance, taxes, fun things to do with the boys, absolutely nothing. So yeah, I need another job. How is it that in this day and age we still can support and reward laziness? I have worked my ass of to get to the level of income I now once enjoyed. I have no issues with taking care of my boys, but now she does not have to work due to a system of corruption that supports one parent families. Where is the outcry for EQUAL PARENTING?

Yes EQUAL PARENTING, you know where people share responsibility of raising their children and share the costs equally. How is it that our society ignores the broken, biased laws that do not take the children’s best interest to heart? If I saw my boys more and had a say in any decisions regarding their health I might feel slightly better about this. Yet My parental rights were taken from me along with my rights to see them regularly and all our elected officials can say is ” its not an issue we need to discuss”.  How can I explain this broken, unjust system to my boys?

It is this insanity of unequal parenting that our court system continues to perpetuate repeatedly. Unless more people get involved and demand that the rights of good people be restored and unless people start to listen to the cries of the young, we will never be a society of equal anything.

My story is but one of many where Dads and Moms all over this state and country are being vilified by judges for no other reason than insanity…

They have taken my deserved time, taken my money, stolen my pride, stepped on my heart but they will never have my sanity. The love I receive from my two boys ensures this. The thoughts of Kids deserving Equal Parenting keep me fighting and I will not be quieted by the system.

I leave you with one thought…

Kids do not deserve the insanity of unequal parenting!

Kids deserve equal parenting…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my 
support group
 and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

Plus our State Wide Organization…

http://www.fafny.org


She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case. This intense pain it seems will hang around for as long as it will. It has become the struggle that makes all of life less interesting.

The ability to stay positive is trying at best. This is a must though as those that are close need to feel secure, loved and nurtured. I continue to do what I must, yet the pain inside with not subside. I sometimes feel like a part of me has died. The part of me that loved, laughed and made the time of day fly by. It is the feeling of loving and wanting that I miss most. Having someone that is in tune with what you want from life by your side making every moment all the more real. There are many forms of the internal pain we all live with. I guess it’s how you handle the pain that makes you who you are. We all have it and if not kept in check it really can become insane…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the key slides into the front door and as I open it  up, I sigh. This has been my reality of many days past and I far as I see my future. The sigh is inevitable, it is a signal that once again I am all alone. I have found no solace in this deafening silence lately. It is spring time and the season of change but yet I see no change in sight. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more and more. I am allowed a brief reprieve only every other weekend when my world lights up like a christmas tree and my boys infiltrate the silence. As slow as that time comes it goes by in a flash and the cycle of silence begins again.

When I was younger I was always the life of the party. I was the smiling bartender that kept the peace, The good friend that always lent an ear. I never was alone and never needed to worry about the quiet. Now as I grow older I wonder what the next half of my life has in store for me. I realize that the boys will grow up faster than I want, so I try to have the most memorable fun I can while they are here. This will be short-lived soon it seems. I am faced with the reality that their Mom wants to move away. This will only intensify the quiet that is my life now. What then?  The thing is I miss the companionship of a woman. One whom I can make laugh and enjoy the adult times that so many of you take for granted. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just hear people complain about the menial things in life that someone like me actually misses. I know in my heart that the decisions of my past were the right ones. My relationship with my boys Mom was ruining everyone. We at least can talk civilly now which is a step in the right direction. The reality is though that Delaware County is quiet. I like the quiet at times but It sure would be nice to have the silence broken by someone I could call “babe” , make her laugh and beak the silence.

Many will read this and think…” boy would I kill for some quiet time” . Be careful of what you wish for my friends because sometimes the insanity of quietness is blaring, loud and unwanted. It would just be nice to say” um excuse be babe….your snoring again” lol .   I admit I am not wired for being alone so the season of change is here and the weekend with my boys is near.

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the days draw closer to the one year mark I look back and ponder on all that has happened. I am amazed at the resiliency of my boys and how much they have grown. There have been many good times missed for sure but I have also created some lasting memories as well. My boys have taught me again how to be strong through it all and I am proud of them. I am a better Daddy now than I ever was before, this I owe to them. Thank you Christian and Alexander…But now it is time for…

Now that the sting of my recent past is gone and I move forward I find myself to be alone more often than not. I have filled my time wisely by taking college courses and trying to keep busy, but there seems to be something missing. I have realized I have an emptiness. It is painful and real, dark and lonely and most of all down right sad. I have always felt life is more interesting sharing life’s pleasures with someone else. I miss that feeling of the world stopping for that special someones kiss, the enjoyable pain of biting my lip in lust and of loving and being loved. I am sure that it will all change one day. I am also sure she is out there and is waiting to share those same feelings and longs for the kiss that makes time stop. It is impossible to give up on that dream, feeling and wonder that love brings to ones heart. It is that insatiable dream of being overwhelmed with ones love that keeps me going. I know I have the love of my children, but there is an emptiness in me longing for the sensual touch of a  special woman that keeps me awake at night. The time grows shorter every passing day on the chance to capture that head over heels feeling of being in ones arms. I am strong and It will one day come to fruition, this I know. I have so much to offer, share, give and accept. That special someone will see this and all of the time that has passed being alone will be but a distant memory. A memory that will be with me forever yet tucked away hopefully to never be felt again. The past is always the past, my future is mine and I will do my best to harness the love I know I will find one day and never let it go. As I grow older, never letting go is my only option…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


My emotions are painful, real and all to clear. I was not a perfect father, husband or friend. I have moved forward to repair the relationships with my boys and it is going well. The financial burden of my situation has crippled me, my family and there seems to be no end in sight. I need to try to stay positive for them.

The communication with my boys has hit an all time high as we just concluded another wonderful weekend. We laughed, played, talked and had some great communication. It was a great feeling up until I had to take them back.

One downside to my situation that I cannot get away from is the money . It is just about unbearable. I do not understand how I will be able to sustain the current conditions. The first casualty has been the order from the court. I have been unable to pay the temporary marital support. The second casualty has been the order to pay her lawyer. I can’t give what I do not have. I am hoping to come to an agreement but this will take some give from the other party. I do not want this to drag on for ever as the lawyers have been the only winners. The next casualties will be my credit, wallet and lawyer bills.

So as I move forward I can only concentrate on being the best Dad possible and pray the Judge does not jail me for non-payment to my former spouse. On the plus side I have never missed a child support payment and as long as I am employed I will gladly make that payment.

My boys are now all I have and I need to do the best I can. When those you love are gone, you must keep your chin up and hope that one day the dreams carved out in your heart will come true. I cannot give up on the promises I have made. Emotions may get the better of me but I am a man with a heart that loves and is not afraid to show it. So I will keep biting my lower lip and doing what I need to do to stay positive.

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

 

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