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The weight of mistakes takes a toll

Wondering how one moves ahead

A vicious cycle trying not to dig a deeper hole

One thing I know is I won’t roll over and play dead…

We try so hard to keep smiling and pretend

I know what my intentions are

Refusing to acknowledge that this could be the end

Distance means nothing when you wish upon that star…

If you were only here now

You would surely understand

That the love this man has for you

Is engrained in every DNA strand

It’s been hard

the distance,

for you and I

I hear it, in your voice 

Please try not to cry…

Truly in love

I am and always will be

We cannot allow the negativity 

Keep us from enjoying a love that is pure and free…

Buffalos Joey I 

9-24-2015


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Today I cried

A part of my past lied

My brain is fried

A piece of my, heart has died.

My tear ducts swell

In a daze I almost fell

Staring into space I dwell

Is it your soul,  you would also sell?

I wish this were all fake

My demise is what’s at stake

My heart and soul you wish to take

But my resolve, you cannot break.

Get your blanky its story time still

Running your mouth almost at will 

I must admit I’ve had my fill 

I may forgive but stay out of my grill

I will raise them to be men

Enjoy life while they can

They will know where I’ve been

For they are cubs,  in the lions den.


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It’s a most difficult day,

Words are but few…

To hold you close,

Is all I want to do.

Decisions that are made,

Have consequences just the same.

We cannot be afraid

Nor choose to throw around blame.

Your beauty remains seared

Frozen in my mind

When confronted by another

I promise to be blind…

What we share together is great

It’s a love story for the ages

I cherish this very moment,

Writing about you on these pages…

I Love my Ginger,

Buffalos Joey I

8-4-2015


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Over the last few weeks much has been happening in my life. Many of you know the struggle that life has been for myself. The struggle is real (Q). This has been the toughest period of my entire existence. I have said it before yet it bears mentioning again, I am not wired to be a part-time Dad. When my situation changed in April of 2011, I was lost. Asking for a divorce brought a world of hurt in many ways. Losing my children was not where I envisioned my life going but it happened. Being a weekend Dad is painful and arduous.

I would go twelve days before a quick, short and joyous forty-eight hour visit. When the boys left once again, the silence crept in and with it the pain. These times were the most excruciating moments I have had to relive over and over. This is the sort of anguish that reminds me of the movie “ground-hog day”. Some say pain of loss eases over time, yet this is much different. My house becomes a home for those short periods and then numbness takes hold. It was only the knowing that its twelve, then eleven and then… yeah the countdown, it kept me going somewhat. Most days we would go without contact and this seems corny, but I cherished the phone time regardless of the shortness of the calls. The sound of their voices is the nourishment I need to get through the twelve days of hell.

As I stated before there have been many changes. I received four summons for court late last year . Two Courts, one for support and the other for custody and visitation. This is nothing new, and I cannot afford a Lawyer so I decided with my closest friend that I would represent myself (Pro se) and pray for a good outcome. It is a new County as they live two and a half hours away now. Maybe I will catch a break. I am still in the process of all of it and all seems to be going fair for which I am eternally grateful so far.

THEN… It happened.

I received a letter from My ex’s attorney outlining a situation I thought could only be a dream. We are still negotiating and working out the details but the big news is… I am for now, A full-time Dad. These are words I thought were only parts of dreams. My eldest son is now living with me (three days and counting). He starts school tomorrow here where I live and I cannot help but feel elated and conflicted. I have two sons and the thought of splitting them up is agonizing. I do realize this move is best for my eldest and I promise the world I will do everything I can to make it work. There is still a part of me missing though. I’m still missing my youngest boy from my every day life. His sadness as we left, heartbreaking and agonizing. He cracks me up with how tough he is. My youngest will be OK, this I know. I love them both so much…

As I write this, I am reminded of how many Moms and Dads have to do this week in and week out, others with much less visitation and for some the visits never happen. Through the blog, my page (selfish promotion coming), and most importantly my support group (OK wait for it…) I found a world where I was not alone. I am forever indebted to so many for their support, kind words of encouragement and their sharing. The sharing made me realize that not only am I not alone but my story and situation could have been much worse. I have felt every emotion and relived so much pain over the last three plus years that most would give up. When this started I had to find new ways of rebuilding our life and have our little things all over again.
We needed our routine back. There are two that I will share, the first is silly but we keep it going even today:
Kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and RPS followed by tickling that always make them smile.
The second and more importantly is we boys have a saying. “We are Imperis and we never give up”. This little saying is so powerful. It’s a little thing we share and it means so much to me, and I know it means the world to them! We have survived it all and have grown so close. They are my everything and I cannot ever thank my boys enough for believing in their Dad.

The worst is now in the past and I am a better man because of all of this. I never thought I could actually say that. The insanity of it all though is the bittersweet feeling of only being half way there. Divorce is tough on everyone, but especially the children. If your situation is not producing a harmonic household, don’t stay for the kids. Do what is right, save your sanity and possibly that of your kids as well. We have survived and I know you can as well…

I am forever grateful that I found this outlet.

Your support means so much to me.

Please like, share, comment and spread the word.

Kids deserve both parents!

You can find me all over the place:

@FB- Joe Imperi
Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group admin)
Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page admin)

Google+ @ Joseph Imperi

Joseph.Imperi@gmail.com

buffalosjoeyi@yahoo.com


Sanity picBlank stare…

Stuck in this series of blank stare emotions
Never have I understood what drives these weird notions
That writing happy thoughts could come with ease
But the darker side prevails and it still doesn’t please…

It’s always been easy to express my pain and fears
Writings have always come with a flood of falling tears
I try maybe too hard to print what is good in my plight
In this roller coaster life, the only words that fall…
never seem quite right…

Buffalos Joey I
5-15-2014


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Eternal Love…

Fear not my brother
For she is always by your side…
You loved, you laughed
You held each other when you cried.

Your love is eternal
You say she made you a better man…
We witnessed the struggle
Last you were, to hold her precious hand

We are proud to have known her
She fought with honor and glory
The lessons of your love
That is the real story…

In loving memory of Christine Imperi

Buffalosjoeyi
7-29-2014


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A poem for a dear friend…

Your smile was infectious
your laugh unmistakable
always willing to help
and your devotion unbreakable

You grew up quickly beyond your years
Shy and unassuming when you were young
Never afraid to talk about your fears
everyone so proud of who you had become

Years have passed
but a part of me, you remained
always have I loved you
In my memory you are engrained

It was not meant to be
We’ve all had our moments to cry
please watch over us now
as you hover in the sky

You were a loving mother, wife, sister and friend
You left nothing on this earth untouched in the end…

Rest in Peace Renee,
Always and forever remembered…

Buffalosjoeyi
4/10/2014


If time cannot erase all that pains me

and there is nowhere left to turn

How can I even carry on 

without ever holding what I yearn…

We try always I know

to remember all that was great

Eliminating those ugly truths

and accepting our fate…

Its like a strand of thread

pulled, stretched and frayed

Bent yet not broken

maybe hope just delayed…

Carrying on as I must

yet the dust has yet to settle down

My heart is what I must trust

while I concentrate on my frown.

 

Buffalos Joey I

4-4-2014 


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Our time, for my boys…

I miss all the laughter
And even when they bicker
The smiles when I get them
Makes my blood a bit thicker

Time is never fair
It goes by ever so fast
We need to find a way
To make the time we have last

Our time is just that
It is ours alone
Seeing them in real time
So much sweeter than the phone

I have guilt that will never fade
And I will never feel the same
Memories are what is now made
There is nobody to blame

I tell them every chance I get
That I love them so
And give a wry smile
When they sarcastically call me Joe

I am not the same
When they are not here
It is the pain that I wish
Will one day disappear…

I will always be daddy
To the boys I choose to see
Every chance that I get
Is a blessing to me…

Dedicated to Christian and Alexander…

Buffalos Joey I
2-25-2014


Inside

The darkness cascades
It takes all of me to be bold
Hiding in the shadows
The emptiness is cold

Gripped with uncertainty
Like walking a path with no sight
Twists and turns of emotion
Forever in search of the light

There was once a glimmer of hope
It was inside of me
Forever and long ago
All but now a memory.

Buffalos Joey I
2-20-2014

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