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Over the last few weeks much has been happening in my life. Many of you know the struggle that life has been for myself. The struggle is real (Q). This has been the toughest period of my entire existence. I have said it before yet it bears mentioning again, I am not wired to be a part-time Dad. When my situation changed in April of 2011, I was lost. Asking for a divorce brought a world of hurt in many ways. Losing my children was not where I envisioned my life going but it happened. Being a weekend Dad is painful and arduous.

I would go twelve days before a quick, short and joyous forty-eight hour visit. When the boys left once again, the silence crept in and with it the pain. These times were the most excruciating moments I have had to relive over and over. This is the sort of anguish that reminds me of the movie “ground-hog day”. Some say pain of loss eases over time, yet this is much different. My house becomes a home for those short periods and then numbness takes hold. It was only the knowing that its twelve, then eleven and then… yeah the countdown, it kept me going somewhat. Most days we would go without contact and this seems corny, but I cherished the phone time regardless of the shortness of the calls. The sound of their voices is the nourishment I need to get through the twelve days of hell.

As I stated before there have been many changes. I received four summons for court late last year . Two Courts, one for support and the other for custody and visitation. This is nothing new, and I cannot afford a Lawyer so I decided with my closest friend that I would represent myself (Pro se) and pray for a good outcome. It is a new County as they live two and a half hours away now. Maybe I will catch a break. I am still in the process of all of it and all seems to be going fair for which I am eternally grateful so far.

THEN… It happened.

I received a letter from My ex’s attorney outlining a situation I thought could only be a dream. We are still negotiating and working out the details but the big news is… I am for now, A full-time Dad. These are words I thought were only parts of dreams. My eldest son is now living with me (three days and counting). He starts school tomorrow here where I live and I cannot help but feel elated and conflicted. I have two sons and the thought of splitting them up is agonizing. I do realize this move is best for my eldest and I promise the world I will do everything I can to make it work. There is still a part of me missing though. I’m still missing my youngest boy from my every day life. His sadness as we left, heartbreaking and agonizing. He cracks me up with how tough he is. My youngest will be OK, this I know. I love them both so much…

As I write this, I am reminded of how many Moms and Dads have to do this week in and week out, others with much less visitation and for some the visits never happen. Through the blog, my page (selfish promotion coming), and most importantly my support group (OK wait for it…) I found a world where I was not alone. I am forever indebted to so many for their support, kind words of encouragement and their sharing. The sharing made me realize that not only am I not alone but my story and situation could have been much worse. I have felt every emotion and relived so much pain over the last three plus years that most would give up. When this started I had to find new ways of rebuilding our life and have our little things all over again.
We needed our routine back. There are two that I will share, the first is silly but we keep it going even today:
Kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and RPS followed by tickling that always make them smile.
The second and more importantly is we boys have a saying. “We are Imperis and we never give up”. This little saying is so powerful. It’s a little thing we share and it means so much to me, and I know it means the world to them! We have survived it all and have grown so close. They are my everything and I cannot ever thank my boys enough for believing in their Dad.

The worst is now in the past and I am a better man because of all of this. I never thought I could actually say that. The insanity of it all though is the bittersweet feeling of only being half way there. Divorce is tough on everyone, but especially the children. If your situation is not producing a harmonic household, don’t stay for the kids. Do what is right, save your sanity and possibly that of your kids as well. We have survived and I know you can as well…

I am forever grateful that I found this outlet.

Your support means so much to me.

Please like, share, comment and spread the word.

Kids deserve both parents!

You can find me all over the place:

@FB- Joe Imperi
Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group admin)
Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page admin)

Google+ @ Joseph Imperi

Joseph.Imperi@gmail.com

buffalosjoeyi@yahoo.com

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In the insurmountable ideals
Of a people sometimes lost
Wanders a mighty few
Who do it all at no cost

They are the faceless
True heroes of our time
Never afraid to take a chance
Always ready to make the climb

You may never see them
Or ever know who they are
But they care more than most
And will always go a bit more far

I speak of our protectors
Whom fight for your rights
My brother is among them
I am proud that he’s one who fights

Thank a Veteran today…

Buffalos Joey I
2-26-2014


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Our time, for my boys…

I miss all the laughter
And even when they bicker
The smiles when I get them
Makes my blood a bit thicker

Time is never fair
It goes by ever so fast
We need to find a way
To make the time we have last

Our time is just that
It is ours alone
Seeing them in real time
So much sweeter than the phone

I have guilt that will never fade
And I will never feel the same
Memories are what is now made
There is nobody to blame

I tell them every chance I get
That I love them so
And give a wry smile
When they sarcastically call me Joe

I am not the same
When they are not here
It is the pain that I wish
Will one day disappear…

I will always be daddy
To the boys I choose to see
Every chance that I get
Is a blessing to me…

Dedicated to Christian and Alexander…

Buffalos Joey I
2-25-2014


The insanity of success….


We all judge our own personal success differently. There are  those that measure it in how much money they have or  other material goods. Some measure it in how far up the  corporate ladder they have climbed. Others hang their 100k  diplomas on their walls and yet sadly some measure it  by how much they can steal to score another buzz.

I recently  became fixated on my own success, or in my eyes lack there  of. I recently withdrew from my summer semester. Yes folks i am 42 and do not possess a degree. I had to come to grips with the fact that life had become very complicated. My situation is much different now than the previous two years, See, i am finally divorced. It’s a bittersweet ending to a long struggle that my followers know all too well. In the divorce decree i was awarded every other week in the summer time. My boys are older so time for me needed to be spent on them, not excel spreadsheets that honestly i will never use again.  But here is where it all came to a head for me.

I went golfing with a new colleague (don’t get the wrong idea here folks, I go six times a year max) and afterwards we had one of those conversations that I will never forget. He tried to tell me he felt like a failure when we first met due to his seemingly arrogant approach. The problem had been not with him, the way we met or anything else for that matter. The problem was the one word he said, when he said it, I felt like an Army Vet whom experiences the flood of emotion during a bout with PTSD. My brain became awash with the word and what it meant to me. Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore. As we sat on my tailgate I looked into his big, unassuming and inexperienced eyes and said: ‘kid, let me tell you something about failure”.  I proceeded to explain to him how the last four months of my life had become some of the darkest I had ever known.  Work was the only place I had left to find normalcy in an otherwise jumbled mess of an existence I had been so desperately trying to avoid. But that word “failure” hit me so hard it actually hurt. This twenty-six year old-young man never saw this conversation coming, nor did he think nine holes of golf would teach him a lesson about life that i am sure he will carry for the rest of his life. You see the word failure had been swimming in my mind for weeks. I had been questioning myself and who I had become. My work, to my standards was starting to slip. My marriage had failed, I felt like I failed my boys and now I had failed myself and my employer because I could not handle the summer classes. Now looking back after a couple of weeks I see clearly that I was in fact quite wrong about myself, my kids and my career.  Once I spilled everything out onto Mr. 26, I realized I was crying, I was vulnerable and actually relieved . It was a release that was triggered by one word and that one word alone. So now you must be wondering what was his response… utter disbelief. See I had been carrying so much inside that when I heard him say that word… The floodgates just opened up. For all intents and purposes I didn’t mean to explain myself to him, but it couldn’t be stopped. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. My mom nearly died of a brain bleed due to leukemia, a close friend and I had parted ways, the divorce was finalized, I lost my motivation for school, I came to the realization I was alone in my world now that my ex and kids moved….Oh I could go on but you get the drift.  Now here is where the insanity of success come to fruition. The next day I had to tell my new boss of six months that I dropped out of the semester. My company pays the school bill so I had no idea what to expect. My boss has been one of the few that actually knows what was going on with me so to disappoint him was hard to face. He told me in no certain terms had I failed. What he did say is that if I didn’t go back then I fail. I was shocked and dismayed at the understanding. I guess I didn’t know what to expect but I can tell you I thought the worst would come. So now I had to tell HR, which was another huge deal for me. But before I told them I sought out our company Industrial physiologist for advice.  He was amazing, simply put. He explained that we all fall into the darkness at one time or another but that these are just “moments in time, and they too shall pass”. Those words were so profound to me. We talked at length about success and the true meaning of the word. I will summarize it as best I can from what I learned from him on that day of awakening….

I now have a clear understanding of my success. My success is getting out of the truck, waiting for my boys to get out, and having them want to hold my hand. Success is having the boys wait patiently for the tuck in routine (kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and the finally….rocks paper scissors two out of three with a barrage of tickling in between. Success for me is hearing a perfect stranger whom never met my boys tell me after an hour and a half that “I should be proud at how well-mannered, sweet and polite your boys are”.  It is having a colleague tell you when it is least expected that you are actually revered and respected regardless of your educational background. It’s having your true friends want to be there for you every step of the way while you stumble. And finally, success is hearing a smile through the phone.

It is insane to think that I dreamed of success being anything more than hearing your children say “daddy I love you”.  We all struggle with life, but the insane thing is; success is nothing without the love and respect of your peers, your friends both new and old and more importantly your children.

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents… This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/ And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


Working on more of the “insanity series” please enjoy this repost and stay tuned!

Saving my sanity, one blog at a time

She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case…

View original post 211 more words


The insanity of unequal parenting….


It seems insane in this day and age that someone could be rewarded for not wanting to work. I am a man with some college but no degree. She has two degrees and her own business yet I am supporting her. I have no issues with paying for Child Support. It is only right. Yet I am paying more in Temporary alimony weekly by over 120 dollars.  I only see my boys 4 out of every 14 days due to a temporary order that has been adopted by the Supreme Court yet no discussions have taken place because I am told that I need to wait until the trial. OK, but I have been dragged into court three times to ensure alimony is being paid yet we cannot nor will not discuss visitation until January 30th, 2013? Is this Due Process? 13 months to wait for a divorce trial yet three court appearances for money? How is this in the best interest of the children. Again today they have asked me why they cannot see their Dad more? I refuse to have adult conversations with them yet I cannot continue to lie to them either.

The most recent events in my story are alarming. I have been ordered on Friday to have all alimony directly removed from my check by the collections bureau. This in effect will render me destitute. I have been trying to come to an agreement with her in regards to money. She told me you need to get another job. 66% of my take home pay will now go to her in the forms of child and alimony support. I have told her I need to have a place for the boys to visit and stay over and all she can say is get another job? Please tell me how this is in the best interest of our children? I was sending all I could after paying my bills but now I am faced with an enormous task.  This is all in addition to the tax implications of 2011. She strung me along promising that we could file together. If she agreed to this I could have saved 6,500 in taxes due to a property we sold together. She waited until the last possible moment to say nope and this has caused more financial hardship. So the minimal income I will now bring home  will be just enough to pay my rent and truck payment. No bills, insurance, taxes, fun things to do with the boys, absolutely nothing. So yeah, I need another job. How is it that in this day and age we still can support and reward laziness? I have worked my ass of to get to the level of income I now once enjoyed. I have no issues with taking care of my boys, but now she does not have to work due to a system of corruption that supports one parent families. Where is the outcry for EQUAL PARENTING?

Yes EQUAL PARENTING, you know where people share responsibility of raising their children and share the costs equally. How is it that our society ignores the broken, biased laws that do not take the children’s best interest to heart? If I saw my boys more and had a say in any decisions regarding their health I might feel slightly better about this. Yet My parental rights were taken from me along with my rights to see them regularly and all our elected officials can say is ” its not an issue we need to discuss”.  How can I explain this broken, unjust system to my boys?

It is this insanity of unequal parenting that our court system continues to perpetuate repeatedly. Unless more people get involved and demand that the rights of good people be restored and unless people start to listen to the cries of the young, we will never be a society of equal anything.

My story is but one of many where Dads and Moms all over this state and country are being vilified by judges for no other reason than insanity…

They have taken my deserved time, taken my money, stolen my pride, stepped on my heart but they will never have my sanity. The love I receive from my two boys ensures this. The thoughts of Kids deserving Equal Parenting keep me fighting and I will not be quieted by the system.

I leave you with one thought…

Kids do not deserve the insanity of unequal parenting!

Kids deserve equal parenting…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my 
support group
 and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

Plus our State Wide Organization…

http://www.fafny.org


She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case. This intense pain it seems will hang around for as long as it will. It has become the struggle that makes all of life less interesting.

The ability to stay positive is trying at best. This is a must though as those that are close need to feel secure, loved and nurtured. I continue to do what I must, yet the pain inside with not subside. I sometimes feel like a part of me has died. The part of me that loved, laughed and made the time of day fly by. It is the feeling of loving and wanting that I miss most. Having someone that is in tune with what you want from life by your side making every moment all the more real. There are many forms of the internal pain we all live with. I guess it’s how you handle the pain that makes you who you are. We all have it and if not kept in check it really can become insane…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the key slides into the front door and as I open it  up, I sigh. This has been my reality of many days past and I far as I see my future. The sigh is inevitable, it is a signal that once again I am all alone. I have found no solace in this deafening silence lately. It is spring time and the season of change but yet I see no change in sight. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more and more. I am allowed a brief reprieve only every other weekend when my world lights up like a christmas tree and my boys infiltrate the silence. As slow as that time comes it goes by in a flash and the cycle of silence begins again.

When I was younger I was always the life of the party. I was the smiling bartender that kept the peace, The good friend that always lent an ear. I never was alone and never needed to worry about the quiet. Now as I grow older I wonder what the next half of my life has in store for me. I realize that the boys will grow up faster than I want, so I try to have the most memorable fun I can while they are here. This will be short-lived soon it seems. I am faced with the reality that their Mom wants to move away. This will only intensify the quiet that is my life now. What then?  The thing is I miss the companionship of a woman. One whom I can make laugh and enjoy the adult times that so many of you take for granted. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just hear people complain about the menial things in life that someone like me actually misses. I know in my heart that the decisions of my past were the right ones. My relationship with my boys Mom was ruining everyone. We at least can talk civilly now which is a step in the right direction. The reality is though that Delaware County is quiet. I like the quiet at times but It sure would be nice to have the silence broken by someone I could call “babe” , make her laugh and beak the silence.

Many will read this and think…” boy would I kill for some quiet time” . Be careful of what you wish for my friends because sometimes the insanity of quietness is blaring, loud and unwanted. It would just be nice to say” um excuse be babe….your snoring again” lol .   I admit I am not wired for being alone so the season of change is here and the weekend with my boys is near.

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

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