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Jealousy, vindictiveness, evil to the core,

Trying to live my life 

Yet it’s,  always about more.

Cruelty, meanness, it’s all about you

We have found ours

Move on, is what you should do.

Sadness, pain, is all this really brings

Time and money gone

Let go, of the puppet strings.

Smiles, memories, are what life’s about

Love and happiness I have

Continue on, never any doubt.

Buffalosjoeyi

9-13-2015

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Over the last few weeks much has been happening in my life. Many of you know the struggle that life has been for myself. The struggle is real (Q). This has been the toughest period of my entire existence. I have said it before yet it bears mentioning again, I am not wired to be a part-time Dad. When my situation changed in April of 2011, I was lost. Asking for a divorce brought a world of hurt in many ways. Losing my children was not where I envisioned my life going but it happened. Being a weekend Dad is painful and arduous.

I would go twelve days before a quick, short and joyous forty-eight hour visit. When the boys left once again, the silence crept in and with it the pain. These times were the most excruciating moments I have had to relive over and over. This is the sort of anguish that reminds me of the movie “ground-hog day”. Some say pain of loss eases over time, yet this is much different. My house becomes a home for those short periods and then numbness takes hold. It was only the knowing that its twelve, then eleven and then… yeah the countdown, it kept me going somewhat. Most days we would go without contact and this seems corny, but I cherished the phone time regardless of the shortness of the calls. The sound of their voices is the nourishment I need to get through the twelve days of hell.

As I stated before there have been many changes. I received four summons for court late last year . Two Courts, one for support and the other for custody and visitation. This is nothing new, and I cannot afford a Lawyer so I decided with my closest friend that I would represent myself (Pro se) and pray for a good outcome. It is a new County as they live two and a half hours away now. Maybe I will catch a break. I am still in the process of all of it and all seems to be going fair for which I am eternally grateful so far.

THEN… It happened.

I received a letter from My ex’s attorney outlining a situation I thought could only be a dream. We are still negotiating and working out the details but the big news is… I am for now, A full-time Dad. These are words I thought were only parts of dreams. My eldest son is now living with me (three days and counting). He starts school tomorrow here where I live and I cannot help but feel elated and conflicted. I have two sons and the thought of splitting them up is agonizing. I do realize this move is best for my eldest and I promise the world I will do everything I can to make it work. There is still a part of me missing though. I’m still missing my youngest boy from my every day life. His sadness as we left, heartbreaking and agonizing. He cracks me up with how tough he is. My youngest will be OK, this I know. I love them both so much…

As I write this, I am reminded of how many Moms and Dads have to do this week in and week out, others with much less visitation and for some the visits never happen. Through the blog, my page (selfish promotion coming), and most importantly my support group (OK wait for it…) I found a world where I was not alone. I am forever indebted to so many for their support, kind words of encouragement and their sharing. The sharing made me realize that not only am I not alone but my story and situation could have been much worse. I have felt every emotion and relived so much pain over the last three plus years that most would give up. When this started I had to find new ways of rebuilding our life and have our little things all over again.
We needed our routine back. There are two that I will share, the first is silly but we keep it going even today:
Kiss, hug, wiggle nose, high-five, hand shake, thumb war and RPS followed by tickling that always make them smile.
The second and more importantly is we boys have a saying. “We are Imperis and we never give up”. This little saying is so powerful. It’s a little thing we share and it means so much to me, and I know it means the world to them! We have survived it all and have grown so close. They are my everything and I cannot ever thank my boys enough for believing in their Dad.

The worst is now in the past and I am a better man because of all of this. I never thought I could actually say that. The insanity of it all though is the bittersweet feeling of only being half way there. Divorce is tough on everyone, but especially the children. If your situation is not producing a harmonic household, don’t stay for the kids. Do what is right, save your sanity and possibly that of your kids as well. We have survived and I know you can as well…

I am forever grateful that I found this outlet.

Your support means so much to me.

Please like, share, comment and spread the word.

Kids deserve both parents!

You can find me all over the place:

@FB- Joe Imperi
Dads Rights Coalition of NY (group admin)
Dads Rights Coalition of New York (page admin)

Google+ @ Joseph Imperi

Joseph.Imperi@gmail.com

buffalosjoeyi@yahoo.com


This I just re-read and had to re-post. And update on my situation is coming soon.

Saving my sanity, one blog at a time

It seems insane in this day and age that someone could be rewarded for not wanting to work. I am a man with some college but no degree. She has two degrees and her own business yet I am supporting her. I have no issues with paying for Child Support. It is only right. Yet I am paying more in Temporary alimony weekly by over 120 dollars.  I only see my boys 4 out of every 14 days due to a temporary order that has been adopted by the Supreme Court yet no discussions have taken place because I am told that I need to wait until the trial. OK, but I have been dragged into court three times to ensure alimony is being paid yet we cannot nor will not discuss visitation until January 30th, 2013? Is this Due Process? 13 months to wait for a divorce trial…

View original post 655 more words


The insanity of unequal parenting….


She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case. This intense pain it seems will hang around for as long as it will. It has become the struggle that makes all of life less interesting.

The ability to stay positive is trying at best. This is a must though as those that are close need to feel secure, loved and nurtured. I continue to do what I must, yet the pain inside with not subside. I sometimes feel like a part of me has died. The part of me that loved, laughed and made the time of day fly by. It is the feeling of loving and wanting that I miss most. Having someone that is in tune with what you want from life by your side making every moment all the more real. There are many forms of the internal pain we all live with. I guess it’s how you handle the pain that makes you who you are. We all have it and if not kept in check it really can become insane…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the key slides into the front door and as I open it  up, I sigh. This has been my reality of many days past and I far as I see my future. The sigh is inevitable, it is a signal that once again I am all alone. I have found no solace in this deafening silence lately. It is spring time and the season of change but yet I see no change in sight. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more and more. I am allowed a brief reprieve only every other weekend when my world lights up like a christmas tree and my boys infiltrate the silence. As slow as that time comes it goes by in a flash and the cycle of silence begins again.

When I was younger I was always the life of the party. I was the smiling bartender that kept the peace, The good friend that always lent an ear. I never was alone and never needed to worry about the quiet. Now as I grow older I wonder what the next half of my life has in store for me. I realize that the boys will grow up faster than I want, so I try to have the most memorable fun I can while they are here. This will be short-lived soon it seems. I am faced with the reality that their Mom wants to move away. This will only intensify the quiet that is my life now. What then?  The thing is I miss the companionship of a woman. One whom I can make laugh and enjoy the adult times that so many of you take for granted. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just hear people complain about the menial things in life that someone like me actually misses. I know in my heart that the decisions of my past were the right ones. My relationship with my boys Mom was ruining everyone. We at least can talk civilly now which is a step in the right direction. The reality is though that Delaware County is quiet. I like the quiet at times but It sure would be nice to have the silence broken by someone I could call “babe” , make her laugh and beak the silence.

Many will read this and think…” boy would I kill for some quiet time” . Be careful of what you wish for my friends because sometimes the insanity of quietness is blaring, loud and unwanted. It would just be nice to say” um excuse be babe….your snoring again” lol .   I admit I am not wired for being alone so the season of change is here and the weekend with my boys is near.

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the days draw closer to the one year mark I look back and ponder on all that has happened. I am amazed at the resiliency of my boys and how much they have grown. There have been many good times missed for sure but I have also created some lasting memories as well. My boys have taught me again how to be strong through it all and I am proud of them. I am a better Daddy now than I ever was before, this I owe to them. Thank you Christian and Alexander…But now it is time for…

Now that the sting of my recent past is gone and I move forward I find myself to be alone more often than not. I have filled my time wisely by taking college courses and trying to keep busy, but there seems to be something missing. I have realized I have an emptiness. It is painful and real, dark and lonely and most of all down right sad. I have always felt life is more interesting sharing life’s pleasures with someone else. I miss that feeling of the world stopping for that special someones kiss, the enjoyable pain of biting my lip in lust and of loving and being loved. I am sure that it will all change one day. I am also sure she is out there and is waiting to share those same feelings and longs for the kiss that makes time stop. It is impossible to give up on that dream, feeling and wonder that love brings to ones heart. It is that insatiable dream of being overwhelmed with ones love that keeps me going. I know I have the love of my children, but there is an emptiness in me longing for the sensual touch of a  special woman that keeps me awake at night. The time grows shorter every passing day on the chance to capture that head over heels feeling of being in ones arms. I am strong and It will one day come to fruition, this I know. I have so much to offer, share, give and accept. That special someone will see this and all of the time that has passed being alone will be but a distant memory. A memory that will be with me forever yet tucked away hopefully to never be felt again. The past is always the past, my future is mine and I will do my best to harness the love I know I will find one day and never let it go. As I grow older, never letting go is my only option…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


My emotions are painful, real and all to clear. I was not a perfect father, husband or friend. I have moved forward to repair the relationships with my boys and it is going well. The financial burden of my situation has crippled me, my family and there seems to be no end in sight. I need to try to stay positive for them.

The communication with my boys has hit an all time high as we just concluded another wonderful weekend. We laughed, played, talked and had some great communication. It was a great feeling up until I had to take them back.

One downside to my situation that I cannot get away from is the money . It is just about unbearable. I do not understand how I will be able to sustain the current conditions. The first casualty has been the order from the court. I have been unable to pay the temporary marital support. The second casualty has been the order to pay her lawyer. I can’t give what I do not have. I am hoping to come to an agreement but this will take some give from the other party. I do not want this to drag on for ever as the lawyers have been the only winners. The next casualties will be my credit, wallet and lawyer bills.

So as I move forward I can only concentrate on being the best Dad possible and pray the Judge does not jail me for non-payment to my former spouse. On the plus side I have never missed a child support payment and as long as I am employed I will gladly make that payment.

My boys are now all I have and I need to do the best I can. When those you love are gone, you must keep your chin up and hope that one day the dreams carved out in your heart will come true. I cannot give up on the promises I have made. Emotions may get the better of me but I am a man with a heart that loves and is not afraid to show it. So I will keep biting my lower lip and doing what I need to do to stay positive.

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

 


The insanity of parental alienation….


Today marked the end of a four-day stay with my boys. It was just awesome to have them for an extended period of time. We of course had our moments. They seem to think when they are with Dad it is anything goes. I try my best to let them have fun and express themselves as much as possible. They seem to understand this and try to take advantage on some occasions but I don’t blame them. Their story is they never get to let loose so I try to do the best I can within reason. The hardest part of it all is when it is time to say good-bye. I really loathe the moment when I have to say” it is time to get ready to go boys” . The smiles quickly turn to frowns and the bargaining begins. I certainly do wish I had something to bargain with but as a father, with absolutely no legal rights thanks to a system that is broken, I have to play by their rules. I do not like it and fortunately neither do the boys. I try my best to stay positive and keep a smile on at all times but they are old enough to know when I am not being totally truthful. I do not want to have adult conversations with them so it becomes a challenge to express my feelings to them when asked. The shame of it all is that they are forced to see a part of society that no children need to be exposed to. At their age they should not have to know what CPS or Judges or Lawyers are. I asked for a divorce, I needed out of the relationship with her, but not from them. The support group and the unbelievable amount of support helps but their seems to be no fix for the emptiness I feel when they have left and the house is quiet. Some people would say they would kill for some alone time. I say, ” walk in my shoes”. My brain is wired to be a Dad all of the time, not part of the time. I have been relegated to part-time Dad status, not by choice but by force. Legal force. I want to be there for them, I want to talk to them everyday, not when it is convenient. The hurt and pain of being alone is sometimes overwhelming. I have started taking some college courses to ease the idle time and it has helped some. I just can’t seem to get used to the fact that I am going to be alone most nights for the forseeable future. I never imagined that asking for a divorce was going to bring me to where I am at today. I knew it was going to affect the time I would spend with them but to this extent? Never thought it would be like this and for so long. Time might heal wounds but it surely is taking its sweet old-time here. I miss them so much already and I do not believe it is fair how Fathers and more importantly Dads are vilified in our legal system. So today I said good-bye to them, we shed tears as usual but I know I will see them again next week. It is more than some get but not enough for this Dad. Part time or not I will love them full-time and with benefits!

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

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