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It’s where your heart is
A memory of a kiss
A favorite fishing spot
Someone you miss

Not just where to hang your hat
But where to hold one dear
It’s the love of the air
That makes everything so clear

Home is where your heart is
Never forget the love you share
It’s ok to feel home sick
Or even go back if you dare…

The mountains will welcome you
The folks will always wave
Home and the little things
Are what we all crave…

Buffalosjoeyi

5-12-2016

All rights reserved


It seems insane in this day and age that someone could be rewarded for not wanting to work. I am a man with some college but no degree. She has two degrees and her own business yet I am supporting her. I have no issues with paying for Child Support. It is only right. Yet I am paying more in Temporary alimony weekly by over 120 dollars.  I only see my boys 4 out of every 14 days due to a temporary order that has been adopted by the Supreme Court yet no discussions have taken place because I am told that I need to wait until the trial. OK, but I have been dragged into court three times to ensure alimony is being paid yet we cannot nor will not discuss visitation until January 30th, 2013? Is this Due Process? 13 months to wait for a divorce trial yet three court appearances for money? How is this in the best interest of the children. Again today they have asked me why they cannot see their Dad more? I refuse to have adult conversations with them yet I cannot continue to lie to them either.

The most recent events in my story are alarming. I have been ordered on Friday to have all alimony directly removed from my check by the collections bureau. This in effect will render me destitute. I have been trying to come to an agreement with her in regards to money. She told me you need to get another job. 66% of my take home pay will now go to her in the forms of child and alimony support. I have told her I need to have a place for the boys to visit and stay over and all she can say is get another job? Please tell me how this is in the best interest of our children? I was sending all I could after paying my bills but now I am faced with an enormous task.  This is all in addition to the tax implications of 2011. She strung me along promising that we could file together. If she agreed to this I could have saved 6,500 in taxes due to a property we sold together. She waited until the last possible moment to say nope and this has caused more financial hardship. So the minimal income I will now bring home  will be just enough to pay my rent and truck payment. No bills, insurance, taxes, fun things to do with the boys, absolutely nothing. So yeah, I need another job. How is it that in this day and age we still can support and reward laziness? I have worked my ass of to get to the level of income I now once enjoyed. I have no issues with taking care of my boys, but now she does not have to work due to a system of corruption that supports one parent families. Where is the outcry for EQUAL PARENTING?

Yes EQUAL PARENTING, you know where people share responsibility of raising their children and share the costs equally. How is it that our society ignores the broken, biased laws that do not take the children’s best interest to heart? If I saw my boys more and had a say in any decisions regarding their health I might feel slightly better about this. Yet My parental rights were taken from me along with my rights to see them regularly and all our elected officials can say is ” its not an issue we need to discuss”.  How can I explain this broken, unjust system to my boys?

It is this insanity of unequal parenting that our court system continues to perpetuate repeatedly. Unless more people get involved and demand that the rights of good people be restored and unless people start to listen to the cries of the young, we will never be a society of equal anything.

My story is but one of many where Dads and Moms all over this state and country are being vilified by judges for no other reason than insanity…

They have taken my deserved time, taken my money, stolen my pride, stepped on my heart but they will never have my sanity. The love I receive from my two boys ensures this. The thoughts of Kids deserving Equal Parenting keep me fighting and I will not be quieted by the system.

I leave you with one thought…

Kids do not deserve the insanity of unequal parenting!

Kids deserve equal parenting…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my 
support group
 and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

Plus our State Wide Organization…

http://www.fafny.org


As the days draw closer to the one year mark I look back and ponder on all that has happened. I am amazed at the resiliency of my boys and how much they have grown. There have been many good times missed for sure but I have also created some lasting memories as well. My boys have taught me again how to be strong through it all and I am proud of them. I am a better Daddy now than I ever was before, this I owe to them. Thank you Christian and Alexander…But now it is time for…

Now that the sting of my recent past is gone and I move forward I find myself to be alone more often than not. I have filled my time wisely by taking college courses and trying to keep busy, but there seems to be something missing. I have realized I have an emptiness. It is painful and real, dark and lonely and most of all down right sad. I have always felt life is more interesting sharing life’s pleasures with someone else. I miss that feeling of the world stopping for that special someones kiss, the enjoyable pain of biting my lip in lust and of loving and being loved. I am sure that it will all change one day. I am also sure she is out there and is waiting to share those same feelings and longs for the kiss that makes time stop. It is impossible to give up on that dream, feeling and wonder that love brings to ones heart. It is that insatiable dream of being overwhelmed with ones love that keeps me going. I know I have the love of my children, but there is an emptiness in me longing for the sensual touch of a  special woman that keeps me awake at night. The time grows shorter every passing day on the chance to capture that head over heels feeling of being in ones arms. I am strong and It will one day come to fruition, this I know. I have so much to offer, share, give and accept. That special someone will see this and all of the time that has passed being alone will be but a distant memory. A memory that will be with me forever yet tucked away hopefully to never be felt again. The past is always the past, my future is mine and I will do my best to harness the love I know I will find one day and never let it go. As I grow older, never letting go is my only option…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


My emotions are painful, real and all to clear. I was not a perfect father, husband or friend. I have moved forward to repair the relationships with my boys and it is going well. The financial burden of my situation has crippled me, my family and there seems to be no end in sight. I need to try to stay positive for them.

The communication with my boys has hit an all time high as we just concluded another wonderful weekend. We laughed, played, talked and had some great communication. It was a great feeling up until I had to take them back.

One downside to my situation that I cannot get away from is the money . It is just about unbearable. I do not understand how I will be able to sustain the current conditions. The first casualty has been the order from the court. I have been unable to pay the temporary marital support. The second casualty has been the order to pay her lawyer. I can’t give what I do not have. I am hoping to come to an agreement but this will take some give from the other party. I do not want this to drag on for ever as the lawyers have been the only winners. The next casualties will be my credit, wallet and lawyer bills.

So as I move forward I can only concentrate on being the best Dad possible and pray the Judge does not jail me for non-payment to my former spouse. On the plus side I have never missed a child support payment and as long as I am employed I will gladly make that payment.

My boys are now all I have and I need to do the best I can. When those you love are gone, you must keep your chin up and hope that one day the dreams carved out in your heart will come true. I cannot give up on the promises I have made. Emotions may get the better of me but I am a man with a heart that loves and is not afraid to show it. So I will keep biting my lower lip and doing what I need to do to stay positive.

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

 


The insanity of parental alienation….


The insanity is all to clear to the alienated parent. The pain, the loneliness and the suffering. Yes I am a man, but I have feelings. I did not want to be relegated to part-time Dad status. I am unfortunately a part-time Dad.

I miss them when they are not with me. I long to hear their laughs and stories of their week. I would love nothing more than to talk to each of them and say goodnight. So tell them I miss them and let them know I am here if they ever need something. I have not been afforded this right. A right given to me by the NYS Parental Handbook. http://www.nycourts.gov/ip/parent-ed/ParentsHandbook.pdf  On page 42 it lists the Children’s Bill of Rights. I do my best to follow this and admit I am not perfect. I learned this thru a mandated class I needed to take to fulfill my obligation to NYS Family Court. I am glad I took this class. It was very informative and teaches some great techniques such as parallel parenting in which I am now fully engaged.

It is not fair to the children to deny them access to either parent and it is frustrating that I cannot get anyone to listen to my side of the story. I have documented exactly all that has happened and I have admitted my faults. I have put myself on a path of healing and am trying to be a better Father and Dad for my boys. This all seems to go unnoticed and I am put into a situation where I must file bankruptcy and neglect my financial obligations. I will always pay my mandated Child Support and will no doubt soon have to pay marital support as it has been ordered. But how can it be ok to put a Dad in a situation where he can no longer afford a safe, clean place for the boys to visit? I was told to go live with a friend in their basement! Really? Seriously? How is this in the best interest of the children? This is the mantra spoken by all but I fail to see where they actually focus of what is right. I am now being informed about every little detail of what I do wrong. I do not need to be reminded. I know where I went wrong. I know what I have done and I now know what I must do. I will live the rest of my days devoted to my two boys I will  avoid conflict with their mother. And I will stress the importance of truth, justice and the fact that Kids Deserve Both Parents!  They cannot alienate me from them forever. They will one day have the ability to choose and I am ok with that. Alienation is insanity at its best. It is cruel, unusual and not fair to the children.

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


Today marked the end of a four-day stay with my boys. It was just awesome to have them for an extended period of time. We of course had our moments. They seem to think when they are with Dad it is anything goes. I try my best to let them have fun and express themselves as much as possible. They seem to understand this and try to take advantage on some occasions but I don’t blame them. Their story is they never get to let loose so I try to do the best I can within reason. The hardest part of it all is when it is time to say good-bye. I really loathe the moment when I have to say” it is time to get ready to go boys” . The smiles quickly turn to frowns and the bargaining begins. I certainly do wish I had something to bargain with but as a father, with absolutely no legal rights thanks to a system that is broken, I have to play by their rules. I do not like it and fortunately neither do the boys. I try my best to stay positive and keep a smile on at all times but they are old enough to know when I am not being totally truthful. I do not want to have adult conversations with them so it becomes a challenge to express my feelings to them when asked. The shame of it all is that they are forced to see a part of society that no children need to be exposed to. At their age they should not have to know what CPS or Judges or Lawyers are. I asked for a divorce, I needed out of the relationship with her, but not from them. The support group and the unbelievable amount of support helps but their seems to be no fix for the emptiness I feel when they have left and the house is quiet. Some people would say they would kill for some alone time. I say, ” walk in my shoes”. My brain is wired to be a Dad all of the time, not part of the time. I have been relegated to part-time Dad status, not by choice but by force. Legal force. I want to be there for them, I want to talk to them everyday, not when it is convenient. The hurt and pain of being alone is sometimes overwhelming. I have started taking some college courses to ease the idle time and it has helped some. I just can’t seem to get used to the fact that I am going to be alone most nights for the forseeable future. I never imagined that asking for a divorce was going to bring me to where I am at today. I knew it was going to affect the time I would spend with them but to this extent? Never thought it would be like this and for so long. Time might heal wounds but it surely is taking its sweet old-time here. I miss them so much already and I do not believe it is fair how Fathers and more importantly Dads are vilified in our legal system. So today I said good-bye to them, we shed tears as usual but I know I will see them again next week. It is more than some get but not enough for this Dad. Part time or not I will love them full-time and with benefits!

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


Recently I received another bombshell in the mail from the wonderful parent friendly NYS Supreme Court. More on that in a minute.

 I have worked very hard for the last 15 plus years to build my career. I moved to Central NY not only to advance my professional career but to try to save my marriage. Now it is three and one half years later and I am separated by choice. I asked for a divorce to not only save my sanity but to do the right thing for my wonderful boys. I did not think It would be right to let them experience the lifelessness that they were witnessing. I love them so much and only ever wanted the best for them. The home we were in was not giving them what they needed. Now, I can say that our relationship is getting stronger and our bonds grow deeper with every visit. But now this is where the story takes an ugly turn.

I will be the first to admit that I make a decent living. I have too. I lived with someone who did not have the same drive, eagerness or determination to succeed. I grew up the oldest of six and never once experienced any real monetary exuberance. We were poor, but we were happy enough to never really complain about it. In the last two years we were never ever able to get ahead. No matter what I did I could not get the point across that we needed to be a two income family. I wont speak on that subject anymore except to say that when she went back to school after already having two College degrees, for a certificate program, I was done.

Now I realize that I have an obligation to my boys and I am proud to say that I am up to date in my Child Support and will gladly continue to pay it for however long I need to. But could one of the readers explain to me how it is that I now must pay her MORE  money per week than I do for my two boys?  Yes more than the boys. I really could go on about the absurdity of how some would manipulate the system and cry broke to get even more. I would love to discuss the feelings I have about how some people would rather get through life on the hard work and sweat of others. It would be useless to speak about the feelings I have about those whom have no real self-worth or drive to achieve success on their own. What I would like to write about is the broken system of law in this country.

I have been through Family, Surrogate and am now experiencing Supreme Court. Surrogate Court said no to marital support, Family Court denied the appeal and then I find out that Supreme Court in fact does use a totally different formula. Now lets not forget that I have had my Parental rights taken away but now I will have the ability to survive ripped from every paycheck for the forseeable future. Yes the order handed down says it is temporary but I am barely getting by now. I am at a point where I am not sure what to pay because in three to four weeks it really wont matter. I am sure the landlord, banks, CC companies or Insurance people will really understand that 66% of my take home pay will now be unavailable to them. I will now lose the ability to have a stable home for the boys to visit, a vehicle to get to work so I can pay all of the support nor the hourly rates to the lawyer that is supposed to be helping me through this mangled legal system. This system is really geared to rape the wallets of the lower and middle class, make the lawyers richer and pad the coffers of the support system with our hard-earned money.  I realize that I am leaving some items out but my mind is in overdrive on how I will survive and get by. I took my boys out to dinner tonight so I could avoid having to pay for their babysitter where I am responsible for 85% of that bill as well, yes court ordered.  We had a great time but I could not stop thinking about how it was probably the last time for a long time. It is times like this where I can see how those slightly less stable go over the edge. I am not advocating the ugly violence but it is understandable how some people just lose it. They let the helplessness take over and just go crazy. I am unsure what the future will hold for me but I am determined to make sure my boys at the very least get their support and have a Dad that will be there no matter what the Law throws my way. But I can’t find it even remotely reasonable to pay her more than what they get. How is it fair?

I will assure everyone right now that I am of stable mind and body and I refuse to let the system break me. My boys deserve more than this. I have worked very hard to get where I am for myself and more importantly for them.  I refuse to  allow the insanity of helplessness enter my mind….

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


So today was one of the most frustrating days I have had in a while. I know I have not written a blog lately but I cannot let this go. I stopped writing for a while to try to get some other items in my life straight.   That process has been going OK. I am enrolled in College and I am moving forward.

I am confused with our convoluted Judicial System. First, I did not receive a notice that I would have a court date today.  Second, is money all anyone cares about anymore?  I filed for divorce and would like to get my life back on track. One of the most important aspects of getting back on track is regaining custody of my two wonderful boys. As I have documented in the past, I have had my Parental Rights stripped from me. I only have a temporary order in place that addresses visitation but that has expired and we are continuing with it until ….I am not sure. I thought when you go to court you would discuss the important issues first, like custody and visitation but I was sorrily mistaken. Today we talked about MONEY. Yes Money. Evidently when the Surrogate Court made its ruling of no marital support and Family Court upheld the appeal that was all just temporary. Now call me naive but I thought that our Judicial system would be on the same page together, but this is the furthest from the truth. I was informed today that the Supreme Court will most likely uphold the Child Support order, which I have no problem paying for now, but the Supreme Court has a different formula for deciding Marital Support? What? How insane is that? Its bad enough that I have only a few college credits to my name and SHE has Two, yes Two college degrees, but now I might have to pay her support? She has her own business, two degrees and because I worked my ass off for 15 years to better my career and work my way up the corporate ladder to get where I am today I get to pay for everything?

Now do not get me wrong, I would give the right side of my body for my boys but why should someone be rewarded for not being ambitious, motivated, hardworking or SELF RELIANT? Yes I am frustrated and upset. I have been through Family,Surrogate and now the start of Supreme Courts and not once have I been able to speak my mind. It has always been about money. I once did make a beautiful living. I live in a simple home with borrowed furniture. I do not want anything from any of this except MY PARENTAL RIGHTS BACK. My boys deserve to have both parents involved in the decision-making process that affects them. I have been their father, coach, friend, buddy and all I want to be is DADDY. I was not made to be a part-time dad and will fight until justice is served. The notion that the one who files a family petition in Family Court is the right choice is absurd. I deserve a second chance. I made one bad decision and have owned it, worked on it and gone above and beyond what would be expected of any man. I want and deserve my rights as a parent restored. It is just not right and it’s not fair to my boys.

So with all that said, the talk again today was about money. How does that show that this is all in the best interest of the kids?

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


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This blog still rings true even this year. Much has changed in my life since the separation/divorce. I still feel the pain and emptiness of being alone. The visits with my boys are much better and our relationships have grown. I am a very proud Daddy. This will mark the third Christmas I spend alone yet I feel like I am turning a corner.  My life is not where I hoped it would be but I am not complaining as it could be much worse.

As the smile in the new photo shows, a good conversation and an all around fun family day can help to ease the pain that is hidden. I am fortunate to have met people recently that are genuine, honest and absolutely hilarious! 2014 is looking to hopefully be one that big changes occur. Maybe not the ones I thought, but change just the same. Will all of my dreams come true? “Probably Not” but I am ok with it… I have to be.

I am wishing everyone a warm, fun filled and amazing Holiday Season… But just be thankful for what you have… And hope and wish for a better tomorrow.

Please remember those less fortunate this Holiday season and pay it forward…You may be surprised at how it really makes you feel!

 

(2011)

The sad realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not only going to be alone with my tree on Christmas morning but I will also not experience the waking up to excited kids. I will be and am thankful that I will get to spend Christmas Eve with my boys though. We were able to keep a certain tradition alive this past weekend. We traveled to a local tree farm and cut down what is thought to be the best Christmas tree ever. It was a challenge to put up but we managed and it is perfect. The day was great and we met some wonderful people. The boys were overjoyed at the whole experience and I went to bed that night extremely grateful that the tradition, although slightly different, was kept alive. The saddest part of this new beginning in my life is that I will miss out on a lot of the special times. This motivates me to create our own memories that I truly hope last a lifetime. The boys  seem to be adjusting well to our  new situation. Their living arrangement has settled down and they seem to like their new school as well. They have made me very proud with all they have been through.We have three weeks until the trial for custody and visitation. I am very nervous on how this will all pan out. I am hoping for the best but planning for the worst as they say.

The sad part of all this is the boys and how they will feel on Christmas morning. I really can’t get this out of my mind as the time grows near. I am sure they will be happy with what Santa has done this year. They told me they look forward to our visit. Maybe it is me I am worried about. This will be the very first Christmas in my life that I will be totally alone. I am not really sure what to expect after I take them home on Christmas Eve. I live pretty far from my home town and the thought of driving five hours is not appealing. I do not wish to be alone on this day though. Some friends have asked me to visit and it is what I should do. It’s hard to decide though. I still cannot imagine that special day without my boys. I realize I have much to be thankful for. I have good health, great kids and a good career. It could be worse and I know that I will survive. I have been blessed with much support from my group online and family as well.

So as I look at my tree and think “yup it’s just me”

I still feel lucky to be free……. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

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