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I guess it really all starts with our reflections…

We all know the real person inside of them. Left with that knowledge we venture out into the world. Slowly, building walls we know very few will ever dare crawl over.  Those people who do make an attempt are the ones worth keeping in your life.  Why do we fear who we really are? And why do we allow only a chosen few inside the real us? We hide behind the veil of imitation, pretending to be something we know down deep we really are not. We despise the truth at times. When faced with a decision we look into our reflections and ask the questions we fear to speak aloud. Sometimes hoping the answers are mouthed back. These answers we seek are almost never found in the reflections we see but are felt from within our own skin. It is that which are heart tells us to be the truth that we then must follow. This brings forth the leap of faith we must endure. When a person climbs your walls we are left with a choice. One can build bigger walls or finally give in to the truth we sought in our reflections but already knew in our hearts. It is the absurdity of our own insecurities that keeps us from ever feeling truly like ourselves. In order to become whom we know we can be, our walls must be breached. Our minds need to be open and our hearts forgiving. We will never truly be happy until we finally set our hearts free, ease our minds and give in to the reality we avoid. The path to true happiness is never paved alone. It is only when the senselessness of our insecurities disrupts our path, prevents the walls from falling and keeps true love away do we look at our reflections and mouth those words….why!!!!!…

The ones worth keeping in your life are also the ones we must continue to fight for. It is this fight that keeps our fires inside burning. The unmistakable wanting of it all is…we need to love that reflection, yet for some…the insanity is only quelled by the touch, the feel and the warmth from the climber of your walls. They are few and far between yet if you find one…. they are worth an eternity to wait for. Unconditional love is the cure we all seek. We get one shot at this life, do not waste it pushing those who chose to make that climb back over the edge. Although they may have needed to rest from the climb, do not shun them for their own insecurities. For you may regret the insanity you feel looking back from that reflection for the rest of your days…

Buffalosjoeyi

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The insanity of unequal parenting….


She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case. This intense pain it seems will hang around for as long as it will. It has become the struggle that makes all of life less interesting.

The ability to stay positive is trying at best. This is a must though as those that are close need to feel secure, loved and nurtured. I continue to do what I must, yet the pain inside with not subside. I sometimes feel like a part of me has died. The part of me that loved, laughed and made the time of day fly by. It is the feeling of loving and wanting that I miss most. Having someone that is in tune with what you want from life by your side making every moment all the more real. There are many forms of the internal pain we all live with. I guess it’s how you handle the pain that makes you who you are. We all have it and if not kept in check it really can become insane…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the key slides into the front door and as I open it  up, I sigh. This has been my reality of many days past and I far as I see my future. The sigh is inevitable, it is a signal that once again I am all alone. I have found no solace in this deafening silence lately. It is spring time and the season of change but yet I see no change in sight. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more and more. I am allowed a brief reprieve only every other weekend when my world lights up like a christmas tree and my boys infiltrate the silence. As slow as that time comes it goes by in a flash and the cycle of silence begins again.

When I was younger I was always the life of the party. I was the smiling bartender that kept the peace, The good friend that always lent an ear. I never was alone and never needed to worry about the quiet. Now as I grow older I wonder what the next half of my life has in store for me. I realize that the boys will grow up faster than I want, so I try to have the most memorable fun I can while they are here. This will be short-lived soon it seems. I am faced with the reality that their Mom wants to move away. This will only intensify the quiet that is my life now. What then?  The thing is I miss the companionship of a woman. One whom I can make laugh and enjoy the adult times that so many of you take for granted. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just hear people complain about the menial things in life that someone like me actually misses. I know in my heart that the decisions of my past were the right ones. My relationship with my boys Mom was ruining everyone. We at least can talk civilly now which is a step in the right direction. The reality is though that Delaware County is quiet. I like the quiet at times but It sure would be nice to have the silence broken by someone I could call “babe” , make her laugh and beak the silence.

Many will read this and think…” boy would I kill for some quiet time” . Be careful of what you wish for my friends because sometimes the insanity of quietness is blaring, loud and unwanted. It would just be nice to say” um excuse be babe….your snoring again” lol .   I admit I am not wired for being alone so the season of change is here and the weekend with my boys is near.

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


As the days draw closer to the one year mark I look back and ponder on all that has happened. I am amazed at the resiliency of my boys and how much they have grown. There have been many good times missed for sure but I have also created some lasting memories as well. My boys have taught me again how to be strong through it all and I am proud of them. I am a better Daddy now than I ever was before, this I owe to them. Thank you Christian and Alexander…But now it is time for…

Now that the sting of my recent past is gone and I move forward I find myself to be alone more often than not. I have filled my time wisely by taking college courses and trying to keep busy, but there seems to be something missing. I have realized I have an emptiness. It is painful and real, dark and lonely and most of all down right sad. I have always felt life is more interesting sharing life’s pleasures with someone else. I miss that feeling of the world stopping for that special someones kiss, the enjoyable pain of biting my lip in lust and of loving and being loved. I am sure that it will all change one day. I am also sure she is out there and is waiting to share those same feelings and longs for the kiss that makes time stop. It is impossible to give up on that dream, feeling and wonder that love brings to ones heart. It is that insatiable dream of being overwhelmed with ones love that keeps me going. I know I have the love of my children, but there is an emptiness in me longing for the sensual touch of a  special woman that keeps me awake at night. The time grows shorter every passing day on the chance to capture that head over heels feeling of being in ones arms. I am strong and It will one day come to fruition, this I know. I have so much to offer, share, give and accept. That special someone will see this and all of the time that has passed being alone will be but a distant memory. A memory that will be with me forever yet tucked away hopefully to never be felt again. The past is always the past, my future is mine and I will do my best to harness the love I know I will find one day and never let it go. As I grow older, never letting go is my only option…

Buffalosjoeyi…

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


My emotions are painful, real and all to clear. I was not a perfect father, husband or friend. I have moved forward to repair the relationships with my boys and it is going well. The financial burden of my situation has crippled me, my family and there seems to be no end in sight. I need to try to stay positive for them.

The communication with my boys has hit an all time high as we just concluded another wonderful weekend. We laughed, played, talked and had some great communication. It was a great feeling up until I had to take them back.

One downside to my situation that I cannot get away from is the money . It is just about unbearable. I do not understand how I will be able to sustain the current conditions. The first casualty has been the order from the court. I have been unable to pay the temporary marital support. The second casualty has been the order to pay her lawyer. I can’t give what I do not have. I am hoping to come to an agreement but this will take some give from the other party. I do not want this to drag on for ever as the lawyers have been the only winners. The next casualties will be my credit, wallet and lawyer bills.

So as I move forward I can only concentrate on being the best Dad possible and pray the Judge does not jail me for non-payment to my former spouse. On the plus side I have never missed a child support payment and as long as I am employed I will gladly make that payment.

My boys are now all I have and I need to do the best I can. When those you love are gone, you must keep your chin up and hope that one day the dreams carved out in your heart will come true. I cannot give up on the promises I have made. Emotions may get the better of me but I am a man with a heart that loves and is not afraid to show it. So I will keep biting my lower lip and doing what I need to do to stay positive.

Thanks for reading and I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

 


The insanity of parental alienation….


The insanity is all to clear to the alienated parent. The pain, the loneliness and the suffering. Yes I am a man, but I have feelings. I did not want to be relegated to part-time Dad status. I am unfortunately a part-time Dad.

I miss them when they are not with me. I long to hear their laughs and stories of their week. I would love nothing more than to talk to each of them and say goodnight. So tell them I miss them and let them know I am here if they ever need something. I have not been afforded this right. A right given to me by the NYS Parental Handbook. http://www.nycourts.gov/ip/parent-ed/ParentsHandbook.pdf  On page 42 it lists the Children’s Bill of Rights. I do my best to follow this and admit I am not perfect. I learned this thru a mandated class I needed to take to fulfill my obligation to NYS Family Court. I am glad I took this class. It was very informative and teaches some great techniques such as parallel parenting in which I am now fully engaged.

It is not fair to the children to deny them access to either parent and it is frustrating that I cannot get anyone to listen to my side of the story. I have documented exactly all that has happened and I have admitted my faults. I have put myself on a path of healing and am trying to be a better Father and Dad for my boys. This all seems to go unnoticed and I am put into a situation where I must file bankruptcy and neglect my financial obligations. I will always pay my mandated Child Support and will no doubt soon have to pay marital support as it has been ordered. But how can it be ok to put a Dad in a situation where he can no longer afford a safe, clean place for the boys to visit? I was told to go live with a friend in their basement! Really? Seriously? How is this in the best interest of the children? This is the mantra spoken by all but I fail to see where they actually focus of what is right. I am now being informed about every little detail of what I do wrong. I do not need to be reminded. I know where I went wrong. I know what I have done and I now know what I must do. I will live the rest of my days devoted to my two boys I will  avoid conflict with their mother. And I will stress the importance of truth, justice and the fact that Kids Deserve Both Parents!  They cannot alienate me from them forever. They will one day have the ability to choose and I am ok with that. Alienation is insanity at its best. It is cruel, unusual and not fair to the children.

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


Today marked the end of a four-day stay with my boys. It was just awesome to have them for an extended period of time. We of course had our moments. They seem to think when they are with Dad it is anything goes. I try my best to let them have fun and express themselves as much as possible. They seem to understand this and try to take advantage on some occasions but I don’t blame them. Their story is they never get to let loose so I try to do the best I can within reason. The hardest part of it all is when it is time to say good-bye. I really loathe the moment when I have to say” it is time to get ready to go boys” . The smiles quickly turn to frowns and the bargaining begins. I certainly do wish I had something to bargain with but as a father, with absolutely no legal rights thanks to a system that is broken, I have to play by their rules. I do not like it and fortunately neither do the boys. I try my best to stay positive and keep a smile on at all times but they are old enough to know when I am not being totally truthful. I do not want to have adult conversations with them so it becomes a challenge to express my feelings to them when asked. The shame of it all is that they are forced to see a part of society that no children need to be exposed to. At their age they should not have to know what CPS or Judges or Lawyers are. I asked for a divorce, I needed out of the relationship with her, but not from them. The support group and the unbelievable amount of support helps but their seems to be no fix for the emptiness I feel when they have left and the house is quiet. Some people would say they would kill for some alone time. I say, ” walk in my shoes”. My brain is wired to be a Dad all of the time, not part of the time. I have been relegated to part-time Dad status, not by choice but by force. Legal force. I want to be there for them, I want to talk to them everyday, not when it is convenient. The hurt and pain of being alone is sometimes overwhelming. I have started taking some college courses to ease the idle time and it has helped some. I just can’t seem to get used to the fact that I am going to be alone most nights for the forseeable future. I never imagined that asking for a divorce was going to bring me to where I am at today. I knew it was going to affect the time I would spend with them but to this extent? Never thought it would be like this and for so long. Time might heal wounds but it surely is taking its sweet old-time here. I miss them so much already and I do not believe it is fair how Fathers and more importantly Dads are vilified in our legal system. So today I said good-bye to them, we shed tears as usual but I know I will see them again next week. It is more than some get but not enough for this Dad. Part time or not I will love them full-time and with benefits!

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…Kids Deserve Both Parents…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711


Recently I received another bombshell in the mail from the wonderful parent friendly NYS Supreme Court. More on that in a minute.

 I have worked very hard for the last 15 plus years to build my career. I moved to Central NY not only to advance my professional career but to try to save my marriage. Now it is three and one half years later and I am separated by choice. I asked for a divorce to not only save my sanity but to do the right thing for my wonderful boys. I did not think It would be right to let them experience the lifelessness that they were witnessing. I love them so much and only ever wanted the best for them. The home we were in was not giving them what they needed. Now, I can say that our relationship is getting stronger and our bonds grow deeper with every visit. But now this is where the story takes an ugly turn.

I will be the first to admit that I make a decent living. I have too. I lived with someone who did not have the same drive, eagerness or determination to succeed. I grew up the oldest of six and never once experienced any real monetary exuberance. We were poor, but we were happy enough to never really complain about it. In the last two years we were never ever able to get ahead. No matter what I did I could not get the point across that we needed to be a two income family. I wont speak on that subject anymore except to say that when she went back to school after already having two College degrees, for a certificate program, I was done.

Now I realize that I have an obligation to my boys and I am proud to say that I am up to date in my Child Support and will gladly continue to pay it for however long I need to. But could one of the readers explain to me how it is that I now must pay her MORE  money per week than I do for my two boys?  Yes more than the boys. I really could go on about the absurdity of how some would manipulate the system and cry broke to get even more. I would love to discuss the feelings I have about how some people would rather get through life on the hard work and sweat of others. It would be useless to speak about the feelings I have about those whom have no real self-worth or drive to achieve success on their own. What I would like to write about is the broken system of law in this country.

I have been through Family, Surrogate and am now experiencing Supreme Court. Surrogate Court said no to marital support, Family Court denied the appeal and then I find out that Supreme Court in fact does use a totally different formula. Now lets not forget that I have had my Parental rights taken away but now I will have the ability to survive ripped from every paycheck for the forseeable future. Yes the order handed down says it is temporary but I am barely getting by now. I am at a point where I am not sure what to pay because in three to four weeks it really wont matter. I am sure the landlord, banks, CC companies or Insurance people will really understand that 66% of my take home pay will now be unavailable to them. I will now lose the ability to have a stable home for the boys to visit, a vehicle to get to work so I can pay all of the support nor the hourly rates to the lawyer that is supposed to be helping me through this mangled legal system. This system is really geared to rape the wallets of the lower and middle class, make the lawyers richer and pad the coffers of the support system with our hard-earned money.  I realize that I am leaving some items out but my mind is in overdrive on how I will survive and get by. I took my boys out to dinner tonight so I could avoid having to pay for their babysitter where I am responsible for 85% of that bill as well, yes court ordered.  We had a great time but I could not stop thinking about how it was probably the last time for a long time. It is times like this where I can see how those slightly less stable go over the edge. I am not advocating the ugly violence but it is understandable how some people just lose it. They let the helplessness take over and just go crazy. I am unsure what the future will hold for me but I am determined to make sure my boys at the very least get their support and have a Dad that will be there no matter what the Law throws my way. But I can’t find it even remotely reasonable to pay her more than what they get. How is it fair?

I will assure everyone right now that I am of stable mind and body and I refuse to let the system break me. My boys deserve more than this. I have worked very hard to get where I am for myself and more importantly for them.  I refuse to  allow the insanity of helplessness enter my mind….

I would hope that you could take a minute to visit my support group and page, like it, support it and stand up for what is right…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

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